What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mother?

Last night, as I looked at my bubbly oldest daughter, I found myself wishing for a time machine, just to return to those early days when I first became a mother. I wished I could sit beside my younger self, who was scared and unsure of motherhood, and give some comfort and valuable insights to her.

Well, I can't have the time machine. But I can write this blog to share some valuable insights with all of those who are going to step into motherhood for the first time. So, let's delve into these tips.

1.    You can never be fully prepared.

Before giving birth, I watched almost every YouTube video related to parenting and babies. I read several books and followed many parenting accounts on social media. Within just a few months, I had consumed so much data about motherhood that I felt confident and believed I was well-prepared for this journey.

But on the very first night into motherhood, I realized I didn’t know anything. I just know a few basic things, like how to change a diaper, but I didn't know about the complex world of parenthood.

To be honest, I am still navigating this complex world. Because motherhood is a constant work-in-progress. Each child is different, and even the same child keeps changing with time. What works today may not work tomorrow.

So, don't need to freak out. Just be a mom and enjoy this rollercoaster ride where there will be failures, moments of learning, and a lot of tears (of yours and your baby).

2.    Don't hesitate to ask for help.

First-time moms try to do everything on their own. They want to be a super mom, super boss, super wife, and super home-maker. They think they can handle everything perfectly. But, there is nothing like a perfect mom in this world. 

When you try to do everything on your own, you eventually start to feel worn out. This can lead to ugly emotional breakdowns.

That's why I sincerely advise you to ask for help whenever you need it. It could be a therapist for postpartum depression, a lactation consultant for breastfeeding, or any loved one who can take care of your baby so you can take a break. You can even ask your co-worker to cover something for you so that you can spend some more time with your baby. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when seeking help. 

3.    Build a Community

When I became a new mom, everyone around me told me that I had no time for friendships now. My days became a blur of diaper changes, surviving on broken sleep, and figuring out the breastfeeding journey. So, I became disconnected from the world, and it built an ache in my heart.

But gradually, I realised that you could build friendships and community even after having a baby. You should also make time to find your people and nurture friendships, because they are essential to keeping you sane and grounded in the tough world of parenthood.

Look for other moms in parenting-related Facebook groups or even within your own circle of contacts. Find another mom who is struggling like you, and you would instantly build a connection. 

This connection is necessary to beat the loneliness and depression you would feel in your motherhood journey.

4.    Sleep Deprivation is temporary.

You most probably have heard and read that sleep is a rare thing for mothers. Honestly, this thought can be scary. Not getting enough sleep with your newborns and being tired all the time can initially take a toll on your nerves.

But, believe me, it is temporary. Your body would eventually get used to this feeling, and you would figure out how to deal with this sleep deprivation.  

There are three tips from my side to help you in dealing with severe sleep deprivation. The first is to sleep when your baby is sleeping. Try to adjust your schedule according to their routine. The second tip is similar to my third advice. Ask for help from your husband or hire a professional nanny for nighttime feeding and diaper changing. 

The third is to start your day with positive thoughts. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that this sleep deprivation is temporary and you will eventually get out of this routine. Believe me, this will enhance your mood and help you throughout your day.

5.    Your body is going to change.

After giving birth, my body changed completely. The stretch marks, hair fall, weight gain, and dry skin became a constant part of life. But that doesn’t mean you should stop loving yourself. 

Always remember that producing another human is a miracle, and your body has done this for you. Not only this, but it is continuously producing the milk you need to keep your child well-fed. So, no need to feel ashamed of your changed body.

But, it doesn't mean that you stop doing your self-care routine. Initially, you would find it quite difficult to do any sort of self-care practice. Here, I would advise you (and wish to tell my younger self) that taking out time for self-care is not that hard.

Don’t take those free moments for granted—whether it’s when your child is napping, your husband is caring for them, or they are busy in the playpen. Most likely, you will feel tempted to use that time for chores or other tasks. But I strongly encourage you not to overlook your self-care routine during those precious breaks.

So, be proud of your new body and keep doing your self-care routine to feel better and loved.

6.    You will not enjoy motherhood all the time.

I wish I had known this before I had my first daughter. Everyone told me that being a mother is a wholesome experience that would fulfil you. It was true. But there were moments and aspects of motherhood I didn't enjoy. Sleep deprivation, Postpartum depression, lack of privacy, being vomited on, having an audience in the washroom, toddlers throwing tantrums, babies’ cries, trips to doctors, and endless chores are some aspects that I don't enjoy about this motherhood journey.

And believe me, it is okay. Just remember that there is no perfect parent or child in the world. It all turns out okay in the end. Just enjoy this ride, believe in your instincts, and remain confident in yourself.